1. My uncle once: found out that he had a sister he never knew - my mother. Attempting to trace his absentee father online, he was discovered by my sister, who was also searching for information about our unknown grandfather (a nefarious actor type - long story). My mum, having presumed herself an only child her whole life, was overwhelmed with joy to discover she had a half-brother - though sadly he lives in New Zealand, so they have yet to meet.
2. Never in my life: have I betrayed someone's confidence.
3. When I was five: all my best friends were boys. Paul Smith, Guy Stewart, Peter Richardson, Toby Denham - where are you now?
4. High school was: full of spiteful idiots who I'd rather not remember.
5. I will never forget: saying goodbye to my friend Paula for the last time.
6. Once I met: Mick Jagger. Still my best name-drop.
7. There’s this girl I know: who went and moved to Australia, and I miss her terribly.
8. Once, at a bar: I asked for a drink. More than once, actually.
9. By noon, I’m usually: on my third or fourth cup of tea.
10. Last night: I met up with some old friends from my Waterstone's days, to go to a gig at the Albert.
11. If only I had: more patience.
12. Next time I go to church: will be the weekend after next, for a family wedding.
13. What worries me most: is unresolved conflict.
14. When I turn my head left I see: a filing cabinet and a door.
15. When I turn my head right I see: a wall covered in pictures of my friends and family, and some bookshelves.
16. You know I’m lying when: i can't keep a straight face - I usually only lie about silly things.
17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: playing Sindy dolls with my sister for hours, sometimes days, at a time. Our favourite scenarios were inspired by Neighbours and Dynasty.
18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: Katharina, the "shrew".
19. By this time next year: I'll be another year older. To hope for anything more than that would only end in disappointment.
20. A better name for me would be: Fan Dance Fanny the Frowsy Nightclub Queen.
21. I have a hard time understanding: why some people are so dumb.
22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: do something that might actually lead to me earning a decent salary.
23. You know I like you if: I tell you - life's too short to not tell people how you feel.
24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: Marcel, my cat, for his unwavering affection.
25. Take my advice, never: go food shopping when you're hungry.
26. My ideal breakfast is: brought to me in bed by my husband.
27. A song I love but do not have is: Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler, for sentimental reasons - it was on the 'break-up' tape that my mum played endlessly whilst ironing or cooking. I still know all the words by heart.
28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: avoid West Street like the plague, have lunch at Bill's, and spend all your pocket money in Rounder Records.
29. Why won’t people: stop interrupting? I come from a garrulous family where people talk over each other all the time, so have consciously tried to train myself out of the habit. When someone starts talking before I've finished, it makes me feel like they are not interested in what I'm saying, and consequently, that I must be boring. I'd hate to give anyone else that impression (unless they actually were boring, in which case I'd feel justified in interrupting to tell them so), so I've developed a little system where if I think of something I want to say, I cross my fingers to help me remember what it was, then wait for the other person to stop before taking my turn.
30. If you spend a night at my house: be sure to close the spare room door, unless you want a fluffy ginger cat for a pillow. Oh, and I recommend (if you haven't already read it) that you dig out 'Holes' from the ever-expanding library of children's books library in there - I guarantee you'll finish it in one sitting.
31. I’d stop my wedding for: the fact that I'm already married.
32. The world could do without: celery.
33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: the belly of a slug.
34. My favourite blonde is: my three year old nephew, Isaac.
35. Paper clips are more useful than: staples - particularly when you want to separate the paper again.
36. If I do anything well it’s: sing.
37. I can’t help but: sing.
38. I usually cry: when nobody's looking.
39. My advice to my child/nephew/niece: would be to try and avoid making the same mistakes as your parents.
40. And by the way: if you think that I sound especially sarcastic, I'm probably actually trying to be sincere, so please don't be offended.