A Night of Debauchery

On Saturday I went to my first ever Lost Vagueness event up in London. A twisted, burlesque club/cabaret night, LV started as an alternative sideshow at Glastonbury festival a few years back and has evolved into one of the most esteemed outfits on the alternative entertainment scene, laying on various events and festivals throughout the year, at which literally anything goes. My LV virginity was taken at the latest of these, The Valentine's Day Massacre, held at The Coronet in Elephant & Castle. Being a fancy dress afficionado, I was especially excited at the prospect of partying with like-minded costume-loving show-offs, and I wasn't disappointed. An exotic array of apparel presented itself as we entered, with everything from cyber-goth to theatrical/vintage style outfits being worn with confidence by the eclectic crowd. There was also plenty of exposed flesh, and no shortage of ripped stockings and smudged make-up, and this was before things had even really got going! My costume comprised a slinky Victoriana-inspired ensemble, along with black wings to complete my 'kinky cupid' look.

We spent the early part of the evening getting our bearings, swigging cava and soaking up all the visual stimulation on offer. There was much excitable frolicking to observe, some of the best people-watching you could hope for. One of my favourite moments was witnessing a kinky-nun attempting to use one of the giant pink balloons on the dancefloor as a pilates ball, and ending up crashing to the floor in spectacular style as it unsurprisingly burst beneath her. The venue, a converted theatre, was spread over two floors - downstairs a dancefloor and the main stage where the bands played, then upstairs a more intimate bar area, with a small cabaret stage for the various kooky acts. These included a man dressed as a cyborg, sawing off his cyber-penis - all very surreal. After queuing for what seemed like an eternity, whilst being psyched out by two freaky ladies on the door, we were finally let into the 'Hate Booth', in which an enraged man behind bars wearing bad pants hurled abuse at us and the other two girls in our mini-audience. Unfortunately by this point I was too far-gone to come up with any witty retortes, and just sat there, stunned, as I was cursed, castigated and insulted for several minutes.

Seven hours of frivolity, feistiness and flailing later, and suddenly it was 6am and time to go home. I couldn't believe the night had gone by so quickly, and slightly regret getting so wasted that the last few hours are a bit of a blur. Now sporting an impressive array of UDIs (unidentified drinking injuries), I can only imagine whatever I got up to must have involved either falling down stairs, a wrestling match, or some impressive acrobatics. If there are any witnesses out there who can remember beating up a wasted kinky cupid, perhaps you could own up and spare me the misery of my failing memory... Not content with shedding whatever thin veneer of dignity I had in front of the fairly new friends I went with, it seems somehow fitting that, like a true fallen angel, I also lost my wings. Still feeling distinctly jaded today, I am getting vexingly hazy recollections popping into my addled mind at regular intervals, making me smile and cringe in equal measure. I guess that's what Lost Vagueness is all about... Can't wait for the next one!